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When Iron Mike starts doing parodies of you...

When you drive past an accident that’s just occurred, no matter how horrific it may be, it’s hard, near impossible actually, not to look.  Normally, you take a quick glance, survey the damage, hope for the best of everyone involved and then avert your eyes and keep moving.  And that’s exactly what happened to me with the Cainwreck also known as Herman Cain’s campaign.  I knew the man wasn’t going to win, and knew that he was a parody of a presidential candidate.  But he did provide a bit of entertainment, almost like Chris Rock’s character in Head of State.  Except, as it should be clear by now, reality always is better.  So while I quickly glanced, surveyed the damage and hoped for the best of everyone involved…I just couldn’t avert my eyes and keep moving.  I was somewhat enthralled by the fireball that was the Cainwreck and the continued efforts to put out the inferno by yelling “Dame mas gasolina!”

So without further ado, as Herman Cain’s 15 minutes now comes to a merciful end, I put together my Top 10 high/lowlights for the man (disclaimer: list is not exhaustive, so feel free to add).  For specific reasons, I didn’t include anything related to his insatiable desire for Bill Clinton’s mistresses (oh wait, they weren’t the same women?).  They deserve their own category really…so we’ll get to them later.


1)      Had no idea what the US role in Libya was

2)      Acted like an eighth grader who didn’t read the assignment when asked about defined benefit plans

3)      Didn’t know that China already has nuclear weapons (since the 1960s it turns out)

4)      Reduced his entire “campaign” to one (1) number repeated  three (3) times

5)      Called Nancy Pelosi, “Princess Nancy”

6)      Broke out his double breasted suits  (whoa…no pun intended there)

7)      Respectfully remixed the name of Uzbekistan to Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan

8)      Had his chief of staff light up a cigarillo at the end of his campaign ad

9)      Announced his candidacy by quoting Pokemon while wearing sunglasses

10)   Announced his candidacy was over with the same Pokemon quote and sunglasses!

At the very least, he was consistent…consistently ridiculous.

But none of this actually doomed the Cainwreck.  No, instead, Herman Cain’s campaign ended because of the parade of women that kept popping out of his clown car, culminating with Ginger White, which, ironically, was supposedly the only consensual relationship of Cain’s alleged transgressions.  Never mind that he was driving the clown car in the first place.  That apparently didn’t matter as an Onion headline captures perfectly.

“Rumors Of Extramarital Affair End Campaign Of Presidential Candidate Who Didn’t Know China Has Nuclear Weapons”

In fact, not only did him being a clown not hurt him, it actually helped him.  He surged to the top of the GOP ticket even as he was repeatedly being shown to be a fool.  Can you say, the bigotry of low expectations?  There he was, doing his shuck and jive routine for his Tea Party supporters, overwhelmingly white, and many laughing at him, not with him.  He became a token…a caricature…someone that Ann Coulter could ultimately hold up and say “Our Blacks are better than their Blacks.”  Um.  First, just  a stupid way to compare people.  Second…wrong.

But regardless, that wasn’t so surprising to me at all.  What was slightly surprising to me was that there were not more Black people standing up and saying that Herman Cain was an embarrassment and actively opposing him.  There were some, but there were also people that I crossed paths with that were giving him a large Thanksgiving sized heaping of the benefit of the doubt.  Why?  Presumably because he was Black.  Seems ridiculous right?  If you can defend or support Herman Cain as a Black person, you can probably defend and support anyone.  That is how the bigotry of low expectations manifests itself.  That much to me is obvious.

But for the former who didn’t stand up and voice their disproval of the Cainwreck?  There is a long history of protesting against minstrelsy, and I certainly put Cain in that category, except this time, he was on the largest of stages.  So why not any voices of disapproval with the Cainwreck?  I mean, there we were, there I was more often than not, laughing right along with everyone else at his Amos and Andy act.  Were we, in turn, laughing at ourselves then? Was the joke on us all, not just him?  Perhaps we thought that he was so over the top ridiculous that there is no way he could be confused with the rest of us.  Or maybe others, such as President Obama, provided us with such an antidote to the Cainwreck buffoonery where we can enjoy it and at the end of the day, know that everyone knows that the double-breasted dude is twisting in the wind on his own.  Maybe all of the above.  I honestly don’t know why I, given how sensitive I normally am about this stuff, didn’t feel any reservations about enjoying Cainwreck.  Regardless, it was fun while it lasted.

And I’m glad it’s over at the same time.  Now I can finally keep moving.



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